Provocateur = (Attn) Drama Seeking

Hello Dynamic Stars,

Are there times when you feel like, This sh*t has got to change? And, you proceed to effect changes by doing things to push buttons? Or, do you have moments when your buttons are pushed and you’re feeling, Well, this can go both ways! So, you push some of their buttons right back?

Did you just think: Well, yeah. <shrug> That’s just the way Life is.

Right now it is. But that could change at any time.

Being a provocateur is not the only way to get your (emotional) needs met. It’s a way, but maybe, not the best way to feel important. However, a speedy road to feel awesome about ourselves and to gain attention.

In the world of celebrity, they say all attention is good attention. Yet, in our private lives, this can create unnecessary strife that most of us don’t want, or need, after the fleeting moments of satisfaction leave us.

When I say needs, I mean the 6 Human Needs we all have that have to be met so that we can feel good, happy, fulfilled. What are those needs?

* Certainty – the need for safety, stability, security, comfort, order, predictability, control and consistency

* Uncertainty/Variety – the need for variety, surprise, challenges, excitement, difference, chaos, adventure, change and novelty

* Significance – the need to have meaning, to be/feel special, pride, needed, wanted, a sense of importance and feeling worthy of love

* Love/Connection – the need for communication, unified, approval and attachment, to feel connected with, intimate and loved by other human beings

* Growth – the need for constant emotional, intellectual and spiritual development

* Contribution – the need to give beyond ourselves, give, care, protect and serve others

The first four needs are the needs of the personality, the person. The last two needs are spiritual needs; what we need to feel fulfillment and happiness overall in our lives; to feel that our lives are worth living.

[Please note: This system of the Human Needs is widely used in the Tony Robbins system of coaching called Strategic Intervention Coaching.]

So, when you intentionally push someone’s buttons because:

· they make you mad,

· they make you feel a type of way,

· their words/actions made you feel as if you didn’t have all your stuff together,

· they had a chip on their shoulder and you had to knock it off

· fill in the blank

This is a good indication that you have a high need for significance in your life. Therefore, you provoke a reaction in others that will make you feel strong, good, happy, justified, etc. Okay, kewl.

What if instead of being this provocateur, you dig a bit within yourself and see what it is that would really make you feel pretty dam awesome in your own right. What is your special gift/talent that you do better than 90% of the people you know? Do that. Stand in that skill/talent you have so that you feel significance from those around you because of that thing you do so well.

Ahem. Let’s not follow that line of thought down the traditional path. Okay? J

Other than the bedroom, what else do you do well? If you fill yourself up with what you do well, and engage in that activity, you can stand in that great place, and feeling, where you get a lot of love and hold onto those good feelings when someone tries to throw ice water (or, let’s be real…shade) on/at you.

The Human Needs is a way to look at what will make you feel empowered so that when you have a moment where you’re not feeling as strong as you would like, you can pull on a strong point quickly and not feel compelled to respond to the person directly in front of you by trying to make them feel bad so you feel better.

The energy exchanges we have can be on a higher level. The only way to raise the level is by paying attention to the small little exchanges that we engage in daily, which is ultimately, what makes us who we are. By changing the little exchanges, person-by-person, we will slowly change ourselves into someone we love even more than the self we are in this moment.

The same can be done for each of the other 3 personality needs.

If you love your money, your house, your job, your car/boat/bike, your bank account(s) and you cannot envision life without it? Certainty is the thing most important to you. If you cannot even think about what life would be like, the very thought paralyzes you, it would be good to first recognize that is a potential problem.

If the things you cannot live without are people – your man/husband, your woman/wife, your BFF, your dog/cat/ferret, your banker – okay, you get the point – then Love/Connection is the need that is most important to you.

Life could come and remove that thing/person from your life and then what? What will you do? How will you respond? Being so tightly bound emotionally to anything is not good for us as people. Yes, we need close relationships. Yes, we need a means to make a living, but if we fully identify with these things we may not have a moral compass in place should that thing disappear. We could be vulnerable to manipulation because of our blinding need for that thing/person.

If you love to travel, or you need to have something popping every weekend so you can get lit, or to set it off, or get your rocks off. Then, what’s most important to you is Uncertainty/Variety. You may love extreme sports, because of the high you feel, the mega doses of adrenaline that courses through your body. What happens when/if you can’t do those things anymore? What will you do? How will you get that fix of energy sensations?

As we get closer to the Winter Solstice (Fri, 12/21/18), this is a great time to start thinking about things that we’d like to change, or to review. This is how we get to a true for us set of resolutions for the New Year.

Let me know your thoughts.

Best,

Zurri